I must have had so much fun spinning between the TV and the Computer and
the Tequila. I remember very little of it. I remember that I need to
thank a lot of people thou. Like HillCountryGal who helped me put up the site, and ThePoetryMan who still needs to hand my keys back and many others who helped make the night what it was.
Now, does anyone know how to get a refund out of Haloscan? Did I dream Webb kicked Bush's ass or did that really happen? I remember Dick fixated by George's ass all night long while taking some pill.
And is Nancy sending out Morse Code with her eyelashes?
But why was I watching this cartoon when I woke up?
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R O L L E R C O A S T E R of L I F E Internet Explorer viewing strongly encouraged
A party with the
Bush's is a rare *honor* and occasion, this must never be overlooked.
So fix yourself a beverage and get ready to enjoy the
dignity,
honesty, and
majesty of the highest American office.
If you want a few ideas for how you can prepare your mind for the
event, just click on each of the blue glasses above for some recommendations.
If you are here early, I took some time to select some appropriate
entertainment. I hope you find it enjoyable, just click on the old Wurlitzer
below.
There are two paths to surefire Victory in enjoying
this speech.
Path One:
Requires at least 3 shots of Tequila. Take one shot at least 20 minutes
before the speech. Take the second shot 5 minutes before the speech.
Take the third shot no later than 10 minutes into the speech or the first time
he mentions 9/11 directly. You should be able to enjoy the rest of the
speech by now. But that's not the end of it.
If at any point one of the below items is mentioned, I'm cutting a deck of
cards. If a 5 is drawn then the shot is half full. If it's a 8 then
it's 80% full. Anything over a 9 is a full shot. The Ace is a full
shot. The shot will be web cast
here.
This percentage applies to each of the items below.
Take a shot if the President proposes a middle class tax increase tied to
your company subsidized Health Insurance Plan.
This is not required if you do not have a company subsidized Health Insurance
Plan but it is not prohibited either.
Take a shot if the President tries to build a case to invade Iran based on
conjecture or on baseless allegations (You are not limited to one
shot at this point).
Take a shot if the President mentions the indefinite detention of
illegal aliens or uses the "catch and return" phrase at all.
Take a shot if the President proposes a new path toward energy independence.
Take a shot for every person escorted out because of clothing mishaps.
Path Two:
Any beverage works, even one of the blue martini glass recommendations will
work. Take a shot or one swig of whatever you are drinking every time you
hear one of these words:
War Health Freedom Iran
Iraq Nukular Democracy or
Congress
Secret Weapon:
Take path one and two
simultaneously if you don't want to remember the speech after he is done.
Special Considerations:
If Cheney croaks during the speech, put down your drink and get busy with
your favorite get busy partner or toy
If Bush apologizes for his decision to take us to an illegal war you
should strip and run around the outside of your house
If he cries convincingly, get in your car and buy all the canned food and
bottled water you can afford, as well as , some plastic sheathing and $50
worth of 2 inch duct tape - then find a basement as fast as you can.
I will be taking the secret weapon route, I think it's the safest way and I'm
all about safety. You can watch my debacle on the live web cast on the
sidebar to the left, if you opt out of the Path one detached window.
Ok, I'm sure the address is almost upon us. Let's just take one quick look
back for a few hints and tips on George's oratorical style so we are tuned up and ready to
recognize the official rule words and phrases. You can practice
here:
Alright, you should be ready to go. I bet George can't
wait to give his important speech. My skin will be tingling as the
president is announced. I wonder, who will he kiss? He'll
stroll into the chambers with his bold swagger then climb onto the podium like
Paris Hilton conquering the Abu Ghraib prisoner pyramid. Then with one
mighty step take on the stool they've set up there so he can see over the
podium.
The Young Turks has the
event Live. You can watch it here:
IMPORTANT NOTE: ThePoetryMan has graciously offered to
facilitate the event as my judgment may become impaired. Please show him
the proper respect. His job is tough and very valuable. Where would
we be without guidance? Let's keep scenes like this from happening again:
OTHER
PARTY NOTES:
Hit F5 on this page after the start of the SOTU for post
instruction updates.
Hit F5 on this page 5 minutes after the address for
additional instructions.
A night at the movies: 1984
Drive thru by clicking the image.
When you get there, click on the image again.
I must have had so much fun spinning between the TV and the Computer and
the Tequila. I remember very little of it. I remember that I need to
thank a lot of people thou. Like HillCountryGal who helped me put up the site, and ThePoetryMan who still needs to hand my keys back and many others who helped make the night what it was.
